Why Koreans don’t apologize when bumping into others

During William Smith’s first experience riding the subway in Seoul several years ago, he initially felt that some Koreans were rude and didn’t respect other passengers’ personal space. People would push past him and walk away without apologizing.

“In the United States, if I accidentally bump into someone, even after apologising, I could be accused of something like sexual harassment. But here, people seem more understanding,” the 37-year-old American said.

Now he understands that in South Korea, unintentional “minor physical contact” doesn’t necessarily warrant an apology. “I might just say ‘excuse me,’ or the other person might give me a small nod to express their apology,” he said. “No harm, no foul.”

On the surface, one might say that Koreans, unlike people in some other countries, are more accustomed to crowded public spaces like buses and subways as part of their daily lives. After all, differences in environment and living conditions strongly influence cultural norms and etiquette.

But on a deeper level, experts say this apparent inattentiveness to others’ private space is rooted in Korea’s collectivist culture, where individual privacy often takes a back seat.

Tolerance of minor physical contact

In a collectivist society, harmony within the community is of the utmost importance, explains Han Min, a psychology lecturer at Ajou University who has authored multiple books on Korean culture and psychology. “So if an action isn’t a serious wrongdoing, people don’t make an issue of it,” he said in an interview with The Korea Herald.

“There are things that are culturally understood without being said. In a crowded subway, the person who bumps into someone assumes it wasn’t intentional, and the person who was bumped into thinks the same.”

Park Jae-kyung, head of the Korean Language Culture Association and a Ph.D. holder in Korean Language and Literature from Seoul National University, agrees about the role of collectivism.

He also noted that Seoul is not the only densely populated city in the world and that people’s reactions to these situations vary, reflecting cultural differences.

Seoul ranks 33rd among the world’s most populated cities in 2024, according to the World Population Review. Tokyo tops the list, followed by Delhi, Shanghai and Dhaka.

Park pointed out cultural differences between Korea, Japan and the United States.

In Japan, people immediately apologize when bumping into others on the subway, saying “sumimasen,” he explained. The same is generally true in the US, where respect for one’s personal space is culturally emphasized, whereas in Korea, people traditionally have had little concept of individuality.

The prevalent use of “we” instead of “I” in the Korean language is a clear example of how Koreans value community over personal space, he added.

“We (Koreans) don’t say ‘my house,’ ‘my village, ’ or ‘my school.’ Instead, we say ‘our house,’ ‘our village,’ ‘our school’ — even ‘our country,’” Park said.

“Two or three decades ago, when children in the same neighborhood fought and someone’s glasses were broken, (the victim’s) parents often let it go, thinking it happened while ‘our’ children were playing,” he said. “If someone’s car was scratched in an apartment parking lot, they might have dismissed it, considering it an accident within ‘our’ neighborhood.”

From this emphasis on “we” comes a tolerance for physical proximity, he said. It is common for friends to walk arm-in-arm or hold hands, a behavior that might be considered unusual in Western cultures. In public bathhouses, it is common to see Koreans leave their private parts uncovered in resting areas outside the baths.

Young Koreans don’t like being bumped.

However, experts note that attitudes toward physical contact in public spaces are rapidly changing, especially among younger Koreans.

Young Koreans in their 20s and 30s interviewed by The Korea Herald said they feel offended when people push past them without apologizing.

“I can understand a small bump because there are just too many people. But sometimes, older people push me hard without saying anything. I use swear words in my head when that happens. I rarely see young people behaving that way,” said Song, who identified herself only by her surname and is in her mid-30s.

Kwak Geum-joo, a psychology professor at Seoul National University, said there is a generational difference stemming from changes in living conditions over the past few decades.

“Three or four decades ago, when Seoul’s population was exploding and public transportation was inadequate, students and office workers had no choice but to ride overcrowded buses every day,” she said. These buses were so packed that it took several attempts to close the doors.

She said that older people seemingly pushing and shoving others more often doesn’t necessarily mean they lack proper etiquette or are rude. “Their behavior was simply tolerated in their generation,” she explained.

“But young people today are more Westernized and individualistic. They are sensitive about personal space and try to avoid invading others' space. When they do make physical contact, they are more likely to apologize,” she said.

Shin Ji-hye

The Korea Herald

Asia News Network